she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
