Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
