I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
