a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
