but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
