you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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