He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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