After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
