Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
