Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
