So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
