I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
