And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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