i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
zippers are such a cool invention
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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