Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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