covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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