You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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