you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
