Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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