I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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