I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
