Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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