FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
