there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
