im six kinds of drunk right now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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