I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
