what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
