dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
