Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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