There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's blow job season.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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