Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
