i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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