he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
