$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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