doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
