i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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