is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
