bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
