My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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