Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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