He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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