just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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