And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
