Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
