just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
