when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
