Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
