How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
