"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize