Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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