I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
