How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize