He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
