Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
