I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
