My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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