so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
