Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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