From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
is it fun? or sober?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
