in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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