Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
