you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize