Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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