I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
