dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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