okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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