i just wanna soil my oats bro
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
