Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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