I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
