That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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