Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
