You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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