I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
