I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
