hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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